About

Join me in my journey for the next two years as I stubbornly come closer to the end of parenting as I have known it & reflect back on 27 years of mothering while drawing nearer to the dreaded and feared EMPTY NEST!!!!  My last child and only son, Sky, Just started his senior year in High School!! (I literally just stopped breathing as I wrote that.)  

  Transition with me as he goes through his senior year and off to college and (GASP) I find my self in the… duhn duhn duhn, EMPTY NEST (AHHHH!!!)  It took me 2 days to make the 5 hour drive home to Crested Butte after dropping Holly off at CU, the University of Colorado in Boulder and I almost forced an emergency landing on the plane I flew back to Colorado on after dropping Heidi off at college in San Francisco’s Academy of Art University. Both times I had to compose myself for the sake of the child or children I was so thankfully going home to.  (Can you say freak of a mother?) How will I survive this last time? Will my marriage be OK?  Will my kids slowly forget about me?  Will I ever be able to be happy without my kids?

Metamorphosis of a mother, M.O.M , is a mother’s support and encouragement blog  focusing on personal growth based on an idea for a book I’ve been talking about writing for 10 years.  The premise is how we, as mothers, need to adjust our parenting for each of our children individually and as they get older.  We need to grow and change ourselves from girls to women, from mothers of young children to mothers of teenagers and eventually mothers of adult children so that our children will become capable, contributing, competent happy, healthy adults.  This is intended to be an honest, funny, insightful, at times heart breaking, hilarious, fun & adventurous mom blog.  I’m excited to bond with moms across the internet to share stories and hopefully be an encouragement to each other.

Here’s some examples of things I have struggled with or am still struggling with that I will be trying to resolve hopefully with you help                                                                                                  

 *Where does genuine motherly love & concern cross over into obsession, possessiveness or control?     

  * When are we overly involved in our child’s affairs, beginning in preschool and continuing when they are adults?                             

*Do I need my children in my life to be happy?                                  

*Can I even survive without them?                                                

*Am I in a codependent relationship with them?                               

*Can I possibly be happier when they leave?                                

*Will my husband finally be given his deserved place as first in my life?                                                                                                        

*Will I finally pursue my own dreams & discover who I truly am?

*Aren’t we ultimately responsible for ALL our kids do good & bad?

*Should our worth as parents be based on our kids successes & accomplishments?

* How about when bad things happen to good parents?

I am a 47 year old mother of 3 living the dream on the edge of Paradise in the heart of the Rocky Mountains in Crested Butte, Colorado’s Last GREAT ski town.  My daughters, Holly & Heidi Montag, are living thier dreams currently in LA, my youngest child Sky Egelhoff just entered his senior year of High School sending me on a frightening journey towards the EMPTY NEST! My passions other than my kids are my husband Tim, Skiing, Mt Biking, backpacking, most things outdoors with an emphasis on a healthy, eco friendly, simple , active lifestyle.

61 Responses to About

  1. Great blog Darlene. I think you are a great mom and I enjoyed reading all of your posts. Your photos are really fun to look at and I wish you the best.

  2. BIOCHEMISTA says:

    I think you are a fantastic mother. I have read a few of your posts, including the ones pertaining to your estranged relationship with Heidi. In the end, you did what you thought was best, and you’re still doing what you think is best…and for the right reasons.

    Give yourself a little credit. Life isn’t perfect. People make their own decisions. And you can only control your amazing self.

  3. Kris says:

    I just heard about your blog and after reading a few posts I have to say, you are amazing! I am recommending your blog to my mother because like you, she is an amazing woman who has raised two very happy, twenty-something daughters who are now out in the world. I feel like reading your blog gives me a bit of insight into her. I’m also telling her about your great recipes – we are a family that loves to cook fresh, hearty meals together and your Colorado cuisine is the sort of thing we love! Keep writing, you have a beautiful and inspiring voice.

    • Thankyou SO MUCH!!!1 I appreciate your encouragement and support. Sounds like your mom and I probably have a lot in common (: My chef/husband will be writing all the recipes now that he’s unemployed, our restaurant in going out of business. I’ll be sharing about it in a future post. Thanks for taking the time to write! God bless, dar

  4. Dana Fry says:

    Darlene

    I heard of your blog through Perezhilton.com and was so excited to read your blog. I am a mother myself of a young girl and I wanted to tell you that I know it must be so hard watching Heidi go through all this and not being able to speak with her. When I was 19 I went almost a year without talking to my parents because they didn’t agree with my lifestyle and rightfully so. There came a breaking point when I needed my family and I knew they would be there for me. The same thing I pray will happen with Heidi. Keep reaching out to her and she will come around.
    Your family is truly in my prayers and I wish you the best of luck on your blog. I have loved what you wrote so far. =)

    Dana

    • Funny enough Perez Hilton is the only blog or media I look at. He has all the scoop first and more than anyone. I don’t actually stalk Heidi but I can’t resist checking in on her the only way I know how. I actually met him briefly at Heidi’s wedding. He was so cute and seemingly a super happy guy. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Unfortunately I am afraid Heidi too will need to get to a breaking point to recconnect with her family. I have total faith in her and especially in God that He will make all this for good and all will be well. I covet your prayers and will add you to my prayer list as well. I spend a lot more time in prayer than ever before (: Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. Have a GREAT day! blessings, Darlene

  5. melissa @ the delicate place says:

    we are all a work in progress. please don’t beat yourself up over choices that loved ones have made. you did you best to instill them with values & principles to be a successful and loving adult. trust that everything will come back on it’s proper course!

    • That’s for sure! I don’t for the most part, but it sneaks up on me sometimes. It still doesn’t seem real. I do have faith in Heidi and comple trust I God. Thanks for your encouragement and support (: God bless, Darlene

  6. SkYe says:

    Perez hilton mentioned your blog so i figured i would check it out. Looking forward to following it…Good luck

  7. Lee says:

    Darlene,

    I am about the age of your daughters and I can’t imagine life without talking to my mother every day. We weren’t always like this. We went through some rough times where I only talked to her out of necessity and rarely appreciated her. I have an older sister (3.5 years older) and my sister and my mom have been my biggest support system. Even when I didn’t want them there for me, I knew they always were. Heidi will come around. Just be patient and give her time. It took me about 10 years to have the awesome relationship I do with my mom and sister but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Heidi knows your heart and knows she can always come home to you. I’ll be praying that it’s sooner than later.

    I’m sorry to hear about the closing of your restaurant. I’ll be praying your husband finds a new job soon. Remember – You are a wonderful mother. Just ask Holly, she’ll tell it to you straight!

    {hugs and God bless}
    Lee

    PS – I also found your blog because of PerezHilton… love him! I’m adding it to my blog list and look forward to more motherly insight.

    • Ha, youre right! Holly does tell me all the time (: I covet your prayer and appreciate your kind , encouraging words. I met Perez at Heidis wedding, he was so cute! Thanks for taking the time to write. God Bless, Darlene

  8. Margaret Smith says:

    I really appreciate you sharing your fears/joys/questions about being a mother. My daughter is only 17 mos old and I am already preparing myself for our inevitable separation of when she starts school, has her own friends, goes to University, etc…. : )
    Thanks for sharing.

    • Sounds like you wont miss a thing! (: Focus on the moment. Preparing for seperation doesnt’ seem to make it easier. Thanks for taking the time to write, enjoy being a mom to the fullest! God bless, Darlene

  9. Jessica says:

    Hi Darlene,

    I just wanted to tell you how much I love your blog! I’m a soon-to-be mommy and it’s giving me a realistic look at motherhood. You are a very talented writer and your posts truly capture my attention, provoking intense thoughts and feelings.

    I truly hope for the best in regards to your relationship with Heidi (she will one day see the truth). I don’t know her, but I can’t help but feel as though if I were her friend, I would want to look at her and scream “open your eyes!” She had so much natural beauty and such a loving heart…she wants to see only the good in her husband, which is fine, except that it’s taking away from who she truly is. She has so much potential and could really go far; she just needs to come to the realization that she truly is strong enough to do it on her own.

    Again, I wish you all the best and look forward to reading more of your blog posts.

    ~Jessica

    • Thanks you so much! Congratulations on your baby! Dont take a minute of parenting for granted, live in the moment (: Heid is an amazing, sweet, generous, kind person. She’ll come around. I have total faith in her and most importantly in God. Thanks for your encouragement and support. Blessings, Darlene

  10. Ivey says:

    What a beautiful blog. I am new to parenting, I have a 1.5 year old. But I often already ask myself some of the questions you’ve posed on here. I find so much happiness in my daughter, I just know it’s going to be tough to let go and let her be an adult one day. Thank you for sharing. I will definitely be back!

    Perez Hilton ROCKS!!

    • Knowing that at your young age will help you not miss a thing (; I met Perez at Heid’s wedding, he was super cute! Thanks for your encouragement and for taking the time to write, God bless Darlene

  11. Crystal says:

    Darlene,

    Thank you so much for creating this blog! I am a young mother of two young girls, Charlotte (2 years) and Harriet (8 months). My journey as a mother has just begun but I find I am already asking myself questions, that you have met upon your journey as a mother. How to nurture and provide protection from this crazy world without control? Must one allow them to follow those people and situations that feel instinctually are negative to me as a mother, or intervene? Will this life investment ultimately result in them not wanting me to be in theirs? Will they reject me as my own mother did me? Can I find balance and still do those things that define me, or does this new definition of “mother” reign?

    You are an intelligent, wonderful motherly addition to the blogosphere. I appreciate your wisdom and hope that you can find solace and strength. From your posts it is evident that your children are amazing. They are all on different journeys and even though the nest may be emptying soon, I do know they will return.

    Your beautiful Heidi has received a lot of media attention which must be difficult for her to deal with. We all recognize what a charming young woman she is. She is intelligent, articulate, passionate, loyal and deserving of every happiness.

    My regards to you and your family,

    Crystal (27 year old mama from Ottawa, Canada)
    the-mess-in-messenger.blogspot.com

    • I know! It’s so hard! They’re peers have a stronger influence often than we do so it’s so important to teach them how to choose healthy relationships from as early as yours (: We ahve to do our best and teach as much as possible as long as they live with us and any opportunities they give us after that, which are few. You can’t live with those fears, they are not from God. They are robbing you of your joys today. Looking for teachable moments and make them special. We can’t put off our own insecuriteis from our past relationships onto them, thats not fair to anyone. Just try and improve on what we had and focus on what was good about it. We must find the balance and keep a seperate identity not only for ourselves but to role mode healthy parenting to our kids.
      youre words are very wisw and encouraging thank you so muc for your support. God bless you and your family (: XO Darlene

  12. Amanda says:

    You have such a genuine and honest, poetic approach to the way that you write. I encourage you to keep with the idea of writing a book. Based on that alone I know that people would read it. I think a lot of people could learn from. Parenting isn’t about giving up in tough times or doing things the convenient way. It is about being there for your children and trying your best to guide them, protect them, allow them to grow and just love them. You’re amazing!! I don’t have children of my own yet, but this helps me see things through my mother’s perspective who has experienced her children growing up and going off on their own, and has had to deal with (IS dealing with) redefining her life and understanding what’s next.

    Please keep writing – I WILL keep reading!!

    • I’ll TOTALLY keep writing! You are so right and wise. Parenting is the hardest job anyone will ever love, it’s alot of WORK emotionally and physically. You clearly will make a WONDERFUL mother someday. A shared perspective is always best! Thanks for your kind words of support and encouragement. God bless, Dar

  13. Frank McNabb says:

    One word:

    What?

    love, Frank.

  14. sarah says:

    Hi Darlene! Great blog, so sweet the words you use to describe the love you have for your family!

    I hope that one day Heidi will realize the error in her ways and come back to the wonderful life she left behind.

    You have a beautiful family…have faith and all will work out in the end.

  15. Tiffany says:

    Hey Darlene! I’m so glad you started this. Admittedly, I found you through Perez too and wanted to see what you’d say about Heidi but I loved reading the entire blog and will follow your journey to becoming an empty nester. A few things. First, I recall being about Heidi’s age and dating a real turd (pardon me) and butting heads with my Mom severely because of it. I eventually dropped the dead weight and regained my relationship with my Mom. I hope this happens for you and Heidi too. I thought it was all “just for TV” and a joke but am so sad to discover it’s real. My heart breaks for you because it was obvious to viewers that you were saying what you said to make her see her beauty as she was born. Someday she’ll “get it.” Secondly, I have an 18 yr old and am already sad thinking of the college days he’ll have next year. I define myself by my kids and I wonder how it will be when I’m not a fulltime Mom. Many hugs to you, hon!

    • I love Perez! I met him at Heid’s wedding, he’s SUPER cute! Admittedly he’s the only media I look at to follow Heidi every now and then. You are absolutely right. I have complete faith in her and total trust in God. My son Sky is off to college next year! I’ll be writiung about my transition in to the empty nest ): It’ll be GREAT! (: I dont really think theres much of a way to prepare, it doesnt hurt any less. BUT… life gets even better. Thanks for your encouragement and support! God Bless, dar

  16. Kelsey says:

    Hi Darlene 🙂

    I too heard of your blog from perezhilton.com haha. I’m a freshman in college and I just wanted to let you know that you truly are an inspiration. It’s nice to know that someone “in the spot light” if you will, has a firm faith. I too, like your son and his girlfriend, have decided to wait until marriage. Thank you for your inspiration and God bless.

  17. Jennifer says:

    I really enjoyed your blog and hope Heidi comes around to speak to you again. I’m also quite sad that The Hills is over and we can no longer see you on the show. Best wishes and I hope everything goes well with your life 🙂

  18. Katey says:

    Darlene– I know are going through a hard time, but everything will turn out. you are focusing on what you did wrong to make heidi pull away, but in reality Spencer is who is pulling her away from you. You didnt do anything wrong, and Heidi knows that deep down. I will pray for you.

    • Thanks for your encouragement and support. I preach personal resposibilty and as a mother I have to search myself. BUT…. i’m focusing on my son Sky who still lives at home and AAAAAAAALL my blessings! (: I covet your prayers! God bless, Dar

  19. Deanna says:

    What a touching and poignant blog. Nicely done. Coming from a teacher, who sees parents of every kind – keep it up, you’re doing it the right way. Love and faith is all it takes.

  20. Lisa says:

    Hi Darlene!
    I have been watching Heidi on TV ever since she started appearing on Laguna Beach and have definitely developed a soft spot for her and your family. I realize that there’s a lot of editing involved in reality TV but I could always tell that the interactions between you, Holly and Heidi were genuine. To watch you cry over your daughter and to watch Holly cry over her sister was truly heartbreaking, and I can only imagine what it must feel like for both you and Holly. I want you to know that what you are doing with this website is one of the best decisions you will probably ever make pertaining to your current unfortunate situation with Heidi. It serves as a form of therapy for you and I’m sure gives you comfort to know that Heidi might be reading it. Stop blaming yourself for what happened, she made her choices in life because it is her life, and there’s really no point in you nit picking at every word you’ve ever said to her or regretting a bunch of things. Humans are flawed, we will sometimes say “the wrong thing”, but ultimately she will realize that your words and actions always come from a good place and that you love her unconditionally. She is your child and you will never be able to put her out of your mind, but if you come to peace with her decision to cut the family out of her life then you will be able to move on and when she does come back to you, which she will, then it will be a wonderful surprise. Live your life to the fullest in spite of everything, you still have two of your children present in your life and they need you to continue being the mother you have always been to them.
    Although I do not know you personally, your blogs make me feel like I’m getting an insight into your true feelings and also gives me an idea of what type of thought process my mother has. I will keep following your site and I hope that happiness is a re-occurring theme in your life. You have my e-mail address now, if you would like to chat on a non-public forum, you are more than welcome to write me!

    • Wow, THANKS! It is very theraputic and recieving encouragement and support from gracious people like you helps me to heal. My original intention was in hopes that it will tug on Heidis heartstrings and make her want to reconnect with us. Hopefully she wont take it the wrong way. I have come to a place of peace… for the most part. I’m waaaaay better anyway and I believe it’s temporary. The worst is over I focus on My son, Sky who still lives at home and I have a super awesome relationship with Holly. Thank you so much for your encouragemrnt and support!!! God Bless, Darlene

  21. Heather says:

    Wow, I’m a college student but I’m looking forward to reading what you write. You seem like an extremely genuine person with a good heart. Any outlet that chooses to empower and uplift women (including yourself in the process) sounds like a great idea! All the best!

  22. Lisa C says:

    Darlene, you are a great writer! I stumbled across this blog in the CB News. I look forward to your insight in motherhood since I have a son! We live in Fl. but love to visit CB in August. Will be back to read more! Thanks!

  23. Dayna says:

    hi darlene, i found out about your blog on people.com and was very excited to read it. i love the way you write and the love you have for your children is amazing. they are so lucky to have a mother like you! i was always a follower of the hills and loved heidi from the beginning. it breaks my heart to see how spencer has changed her and even more so that you two are not speaking right now. i hope she finds her way and realizes how wonderful you are and how much you love her! i look forwarding to reading more blog posts from you, and you should definitely write a book! you are an excellent writer!

    love, dayna

    • Thnak you SO MUCH!!! I have full confidence and faith in Heidi and especially God! He will make all this for good and use her in poerful ways. My dream is to write a book someday (: Thanks so much for the encouragement and support. God bless, Darlene

  24. Salim says:

    Hey Darlene,

    Your blog is really touching. I really like to read your entries and you seem like a genuinely smart and wise woman/mom. You are doing the right thing by writing down all your emotions and what’s going on in your life.

    Heidi is a beautiful human being and she will come around. She just needs to do mistakes on her own and be the young adult she thinks she wants to be but deep down she knows what truly matters and that you and your family will always be there for her.

    I just want you to know that no matter all the media circus going on around her your daughter has constantly been a source of inspiration over the last 4 years and that she means so much to me. She’s talented, beautiful. A true goddess.
    I think the lack of confidence drove her to the wrong circle of people but ultimately she’ll find a way to shine on her own. Of course she will, she’s Heidi 🙂

    Hands down for this amazing blog. You are doing a great job here.

    All my thoughts and prayers goes to you and your family.

    Love from Paris France

  25. Jenn says:

    Hi Darlene

    I love your blog. I am 24 years 0ld and do not have a good realtionship with my mom, she abandoned me when I was 13 after her & my father divorced. I’ve watched the Hills ever since Laguna Beach days, Heidi was always my favorite. Whenever your family was on the show I always admired how normal & geuine your love was for eachother. I will pray for you & hope that Heidi will wake up & realize how lucky she is to have a mom who wants to be in her life. You are my dream mom! Can’t wait to read more blogs from you.

    ❤ Jenn

  26. Kara Anne says:

    Darlene, in reading your blog i seem to find some excitment and saddness for you. Im only 23, but i can relate on the other side of the spectrum of my mother and let you know from our experiences that she was sad at first when her three children (also two girls and one boy) grew up and moved on, becuase she thought her “motherly dutties” were over, when really they are never over. Do not get your hopes up there is still much to be done and look forward to as a mother! You will one day hopefully enjoy the company of grandchildren, and more weddings. You are at the front stepping stones of building a family right now and your in the front row! I’m the baby of my family, and in highschool i played three sports (soccer, basketball and softball) so i was always busy and my mom and dad never missed a game! For 6 years ( including middle school) they had a pretty much set schedule and a comfort zone, they worked, they came to my games which were all year around, and we had family time and parties at the house and vacations every year (as a family) and so on. When i graduated i continued to play sports in college which they couldn’t have been more happier about, becuase it gave them something to do. So for a few years they were still set, but i had just recently graduated from college, so they dont have anything to do now? That is true on some points, however not really. It helps that we all still live in the same town so we see eachother all of the time, but she realizes that this is her time to be with her husband, and to sit back and enjoy what she has built at a mother. My brother has three children now, so she gets to enjoy being a grandma, i just got married so she is now enjoying being a mother in-law. We still go on that family vacation every summer, and we have family dinners every sunday night. I think it’s those little things that help her carry on. I know every family is different but dont stress over the wrong things that will and have happened in your life, you will have an empty nest but not an empty memory and heart. Your husband is by your side and you two can finally take a breather! lol. I have to tell you that i’m a big fan of the “Hills” and watching heidi from just an outsider and spectator point of view was really hard, so i cannot imagion that on a motherly basis. It was hard becuase you saw the first two seasons and thought to yourself, how can someone really do that or behave that way to their mother, family, friends etc? I dont know what the answer to that is, but the only thing i can tell you is to not stress over it and what went wrong becuase things like that happen to a lot of people and families so your not alone. Holly seems like she is a really great girl and shes beautiful! Your son seems to be a good student and athlete who has his head on straight, so your are a lucky mother. You have a lot to be thankful for still, and you have a lot still ahead of you!

  27. Catherine says:

    Great job on the blog so far, some of your stories made me feel so happy. Are you originally from New Hampshire? I live in New Hampshire now.

  28. Karen says:

    Hi Darlene:

    Wanted to give you kudos for your blog and your heartfelt, self-reflective observations about being a mom to 3 individual and unique kids. It is quite obvious how much you absolutely adore your kids. I can certainly relate. I have two teenagers, an 18 y.o. daughter (just started college in August) and a soon-to-be 16 y.o. son (junior at a Tech H.S.). I, too, have had more than my share of trials and tribulations from my kids, especially my daughter (my oldest child), due to her “experimenting” with drugs/alcohol, driving at night while underage, etc. What many people may say is that we mothers were “too doting”, “too dependent”, “too enabling”, resulting in our kids demonstrating poor decision-making and socializing with less than positive peer role models. Truth is, it’s kind of a combination of both, but, at the end of the day, our children need to feel safe, loved, respected and accepted, not rejected by us mothers, no matter what…..and I mean, no matter what. The good news is that my daughter is finally making better life decisions, more often than not. As you fully know, each child is unique and requires different parenting from us. Some children are very sensitive and concrete-thinkers in some areas of their lives like emotional intelligence, while scholastically they may be off the charts in academic intelligence. Kids are amazing and scary, all at the same time. Just when we think we have them figured out, they pull out some behaviors we’ve never seen before. I agree with what you have said before that kids demonstrate these behaviors to begin the “breaking away” process from us, so that they and we parents will know that our kids will be ok in their grown up lives. Some have more bumps along the way, just by their unique natures, while others take a less cumbersome path in life. It’s important for us to keep reminding ourselves that we need to continue giving them space and be patient with their questionable behaviors, because in the bigger scheme of things, it’s not really about us personally, but about them figuring out who they really are, without us Telling them who they should be. That’s really what I’ve learned as a mother, lucky enough to have two awesome, individual young adults.

    Keep on writing….

    Karen

  29. wifsie says:

    Hi Darlene!
    I saw that you visited my blog. Thanks!
    Love the idea behind yours. My daughter is a junior in high school and I can already taste her leaving for college. So exciting and tough!!
    I’ll come back and visit again. 🙂
    Maryse

  30. Elizabeth says:

    I have no children, but hope to start a family in the next year. I find your blog inspiring, because the focus for many people at my stage in life are focused on having a baby, but don’t think beyond the infant stage. I also wonder about how I will handle things 3, 5, 20 years down the line, what it will do to my marriage, how it will effect my career. I love reading your thoughts and appreciate your honesty.

  31. Morgan says:

    Hi Darlene,

    You are an amazing writer. What a gift the Lord has given you! In many entries, I am suddenly taken away to another time and place, existing within your descriptions.

    I have watched Heidi through all of seasons of The Hills, and my heart has gone out to you and your family so many times. You have handled those unexpected turns with such love and grace. I so respect how you are trusting the Lord with the right thing to do. I have faith that your prayers will be answered. What a wonderful inspiration you are to so many parents. I know that so many people in the world can relate to the sometimes disappointing plot lines that the lives of our loved ones can take on. Still, redemption is real and it happens everyday.

    I was unable to read some of the paragraphs you wrote about bringing your daughter home, because my husband and I had a miscarriage a year ago and have not become pregnant since. It is now difficult to not live in a permanent state of fear. Your words point to what I know must be true–growing a family surely must be the greatest miracle available on earth. I am scared to death and in a lot of pain. I will try to handle myself like you…taking it one day at a time and praying for the best thing.

    Thank you for your perseverence. It is so beautiful!

    Morgan

    • This is my old site, please redirect comment to new site http://darleneegelhoff.com/ Thanks for your interest!!! Darlene

    • Darlene Egelhoff says:

      Thank you so much! What a beautiful compliment!I’m sooooooo sorry for your loss and pain, I can’t imagine whta that must be like.My best friend had 5 miscarriages and I went through every one of them with her, she was finally blessed after many years with my godson (: Fear is the opposite of love and IMPOSSIBLE to avoid! I do understand and sympathize with you greatly. I have no idea why God does what He does, why some of us are blessed with kids and some aren’t, why we were blessed to live in a country with clean water and the basic essentials to live a contributing life while others fight for survival moment by moment.BUT… I do know I am happiest when I’m outside of myself and focused on others and trying to be a blessing. I pray every day for God to use me as His hands and feet and to put me in a place or in touch with a people who may need a little reminder that He feels all their pain and is suffering with you like only the ultimate parent can, that he will make ALL for good someday for those who love Him. God WILL work miracle in your life, Of course I have no idea what that is, remain focused on your blessings while in difficult times.. something wonderful and AMAZING is about to happen to you! Keep the faith and be grateful for it in advance (: God bless you XO Darlene

  32. michael broussard says:

    Darlene-

    I have followed you for some time. I met Holly thru Joe Francis when she worked as his assistant.

    I discovered Chelsea Handler for the book world…and have done all her books ( I am her agent). There is something compelling about your blog. I love your stregnth.

    Pleas call me. 214 505 3722. Google me…my company is ISB NEW MEDIA.

    I dont want you to do a tell-all. Not my style. I want to talk to you about GRACE UNDER FIRE type book.

    Michael Brouusard

    • Its always been my dream to do a book, thats whay I started this blog. It has morphed a bit given the changes in my life over the last few years to say the least (: Thanks for your interest, I’ll check out the info you sent me and have a conversation with Holly. I actually have 3 books I’d LOVE to write all of which I think would be very compelling. Have a GREAT day! Blessings, Darlene

  33. Lisa says:

    Darlene is your blog fantastic. Colorado is a very beautiful land where I live was even already there and to visit my family. Family which is nice what you can get. should his mother treasures are a great woman. Keep it up. Good luck with your Restaurant.

  34. Emily Patterson says:

    Darlene –

    The strangest thing happened to me tonight. I was on netflix and stumbled across The Hills show. I never really watched the show until the last season so it was fun watching the old episodes. 😉 It got me thinking about your relationship with Heidi and how much it relates to my own relationship with my mother. We have never gotten along and, as the years go by, we drift further and further apart. No matter how far I go in life (I’m currently studying tax law at the University of Denver), I don’t feel like she is ever satisfied with what I do. There is “always” something wrong. Not having a relationship with my mother has left a hole in my heart and I am hoping that, someday, we can talk again.

    In regards to Heidi, I do not know the current status of your relationship with her but what I “do” know is this… Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. We make plans for ourselves, only to discover that we end up nowhere that we planned. Sometimes it is better, sometimes worse but life can change in an instant, either by choice or by lack thereof. What matters is that we hang onto the ups in life and learn from the down ones.

    Everybody likes to blame Spencer for everything and spends their time trashing on him. But what people don’t understand is that a realm of good things has come out of all of this. You are now running your own blog and touching other people’s hearts along the way. You have learned what to do as a mother and what “not” to do as a mother. Finally, “we” as a society have been reminded that what we struggle through only makes us stronger. As for Heidi…. she is out there in the world finding herself and I, like the rest of the world, wish her ever happiness in everything she does.

    To see you writing and enjoying the many moments of your daily life shows that you are being strong and that makes me smile.

    I do not dislike Heidi. I trust that you have raised some very beautiful and wise children. What I find sad is that Heidi allowed herself to be “defined” by Hollywood. She let others tell her how to dress and act because she wanted to fit in and be liked. She was so busy trying to “be” the most beautiful person in the room that she didn’t realize that she “was” the most beautiful person in the room. It’s so easy to fall into that trap of waning to fit in…. we make “one” concession for somebody else and then another and then another…. and before long, we don’t even recognize ourselves anymore. But I believe that, in the end, we “always” find our way back home.

    We “dont” have to change ourselves so that somebody else will like us. We just have to like ourselves.

    When I was young, I never fully understood the meaning of a mother’s love until I had my own son. Now, when I look at him, my heart is full of joy and I cannot ever find myself not forgiving him. I know he will make his mistakes but he will always be my son and I will love him for everything that he is. I will always hold him in my heart.

    Just like I know you will do with Heidi.

    I wish you the best Darlene. Keep your head up and remember to smile.

    • I also stumbled across the hills after seeing this engaging couple on celebrity big brother uk 2013. I would disagree re Heidi allowing herself to be defined by Hollywood. Heidi finding herself in a situation where she’d be chosen for reality tv means that she had that unique persona that made her stand out to producers so that she was picked for her roles. You don’t get into reality tv if you don’t have a larger than life persona, charisma and a LOT of hootspa. Heidi was born for greatness in essence. I believe her need for physical transformation stems from many things. Firstly her intelligence, with intelligence often comes a degree of instability and fragility in emotional matters. I believe her need to look like a playmate stems initially consciously or unconsciously from Spencer’s early declaration that the three playmates he hung out with the most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes on. With regard to a need for bigger and bigger breast implants, this I believe stems from the simple fact that no matter how big your boobs are, there will always be someone with bigger ones and if your man is a boob man, regardless of size he will always be looking, commenting and fascinated by other women’s boobs. Thus while Heidi might be trying to change herself into Spencer’s ideal woman so his eyes do not wander … he is a man and as a man his eyes always will. So further transformation is never going to earn the desired reward. Heidi’s faith prevents herself from loving herself before others, but if she did learn to love herself above all, she would be able to put her needs before Spencer’s and build a healthier relationship. As for spencer, can’t figure him out at all. He undoubtedly though is not the larger than life influence on Heidi many have blamed him for being.

  35. Emily Patterson says:

    Sorry to post here. I couldn’t figure out how to post on your new site. Can you copy it over?

    Emily

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