One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is for our happiness not to be dependent upon them. Metamorphosis of a mother, M.O.M , is a mother’s support and encouragement blog focusing on personal growth based on an idea for a book I’ve been talking about writing for 10 years. The premise is how we, as mothers, need to adjust our parenting for each of our children individually and as they get older. We need to grow and change as individuals ourselves from girls to women, from mothers of young children to mothers of teenagers and eventually mothers of adult children so that our children will become capable, contributing, competent happy, healthy adults.
I never imagined the post college years would be the hardest of all but have found quite unexpectedly they were the most difficult, heartbreaking, challenging and ultimately the most wonderful and rewarding of all the parenting years. Struggling and failing to achieve the delicate balance of letting go and allowing our children the freedom and God given right to make their own choices and live their life as they choose regardless of how that looks or feels to us or how difficult it would be to watch your kids make mistakes and choices that are in contrast and contradiction to what you taught them and why it is sometimes necessary for them to do that.
Our identities and sense of worth as a person or mother should not come from our children’s accomplishments or failures. We need to separate from them for our sake as well as theirs and purposefully live a fulfilling, satisfying, rewarding, peaceful life of our own where our joy and happiness does not need to come from our children or family but rather from within our spirit and our own passions.
This doesn’t make us love them less but surprisingly more deeply, more compassionately and more respectfully. Living a healthy, happy life of our own is the best example we can show our kids to help them become healthy adults and not burden them with family responsibility but rather allow them to be in loving, caring family relationships by choice and not guilt or responsibility.
The sooner you make having a separate identity and personal happiness outside of your kids a goal in your life & take steps toward that goal the happier and healthier everyone will be. Your happiness is one of the best gifts you can give your children. No child should be responsible for their mother’s happiness.
I am not a writer, nor was I ever academic, My writing is often grammatically incorrect. I apologize in advance for the improper sentence structures and spelling.
I’m the furthest thing from a perfect mom & I’m the biggest dork on the planet, just ask my kids. I’m average looking, moody and occasionally an emotional wreck. I am however extremely loving, understanding, compassionate, have a great sense of humor, am super adventurous, and really fun, all of which you will come to see if you spend any time with me on this blog.
I decided to write this blog because I’m tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. Being a mom was all I ever wanted since I was five years old. I played with dolls way longer than any of my friends. I married at age twenty because I desperately wanted to have kids, this was unfair to all of us who were involved. I always wanted to be perceived first as a great mom and also as someone who was easy going, fun, lighthearted, worry free, super healthy, strong & athletic with no weaknesses. None of these things are completely true. I have all the same struggles as most, no more no less. Some of mine have been made public & seem more severe because I have daughters that are in the public spotlight. I think when you get to the root of a problem they’re all pretty much the same, we all hurt deeply sometimes and we can all relate to each other.
We MUST live with compassion and understanding. Intolerance and misunderstanding are the biggest problems of the human race. What would our world look like if we tried first to understand and then be understood, If we first assumed the best of someone every time & if we forgave someone even if they haven’t asked to be forgiven?
It’s liberating to come clean with yourself and a great service to reach out and share with others for the sake of healing. To have no more pretenses, it’s only now I’m beginning to see for the first time in my life who I really am without kids. Not Holly’s mom, Not Heidi’s mom & not Sky’s mom or Tim’s wife… just me Darlene. Honestly I still don’t know but I’m excited to find out!
I was planning on writing the book “Metamorphosis of a Mother” when I had my first grandchild and became a third generation. What I wasn’t planning on was being a “Hill’s mom” having my children move to LA and become reality TV stars with all the drama and public attention that comes with it. I have received hundreds of emails, letters & daily phone calls increasingly for the last 2 years. It used to feel like throwing salt into an open wound seemingly always when I was finally able to get my mind off my strained relationship with my daughter. But recently it’s been mostly mothers reaching out to me because they are going through a similar struggle with one of their children and are desperately seeking a connection or a suggestion. Because I have been through so much and come out so much stronger and happier than I ever thought I could be I decided to reach out to other mom’s by sharing some of my successes, failures, joys and heartaches while enjoying my last year with my precious one and only son, my youngest child still at home.
This is intended to be an honest, funny, insightful, at times heart breaking, hilarious, fun & adventurous mom blog. I’m excited to bond with moms across the internet to share stories and hopefully be an encouragement to each other.